A Hoax to End All Hoaxes
(This column appeared in today's issue of the Personal Tech Pipeline newsletter, written by Yours Truly)
I'm repeatedly amazed that I still get e-mail hoaxes, always sent earnestly by relatives who have been suckered in. Give-away hoaxes ("Bill Gates"), sympathy hoaxes ("Little Girl Dying of Leukemia"), warning hoaxes ("Stay Out of the Mall on Halloween!"), chain letters ("Hawaiian Good Luck Totem"), urban myth e-mails ("Flesh Eating Bananas") -- I'm sure you've gotten your share.
An e-mail hoax is a social engineering virus. A "regular" virus uses software code to distribute itself as widely as possible. An e-mail hoax uses YOU to do the same thing.
As awareness about e-mail hoaxes grows, their sophistication has also grown. In the beginning, e-mail hoaxes were outlandish fabrications, such as the "Bill Gates Hoax" in which you were asked to believe Microsoft's chairman was going to send you $1,000. That sort of thing doesn't work anymore, so most hoaxes contain a grain of truth or link to real web sites. Others are neither true nor untrue, but simple entreaties to some kind of action ("Boycott Major Gas Companies").
The point is not to deceive, inform or cause action, but to spread the e-mail as far and wide as possible. The people who write these things want to make their illicit mark on the world, just like virus writers and graffiti artists.
I received yet another e-mail hoax yesterday, and thought: There has to be some way to educate the public. Millions have been educated about hoax e-mails -- you almost never see technical people, for example, passing these around. The victims tend to be less computer savvy.
So how do you reach these people?
Then it hit me: E-mail chain letters! Why not write an "e-mail hoax to end all e-mail hoaxes"?
So here it is: I've written the hoax e-mail chain letter below (in the style of an e-mail chain letter -- many of the lines were copied verbatim from existing letters) as my effort to educate the public about e-mail chain letters and hoaxes. If you'd like to contribute to my effort, copy everything between the dotted lines and e-mail it to everyone you know. PASS IT ON!!! : )
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Subject: E-mail Alert
Importance: High
Please be aware. And pass it on if you think this will help
someone. This was passed on to me by a friend.
This is an URGENT warning for all internet users -- there is
a dangerous e-mail virus propagating across the internet.
If anyone receives an e-mail hoax, chain letter or urban myth
e-mail, please delete it WITHOUT FORWARDING IT!! If you do
forward it, the people who get it might themselves forward it,
going on and on and WASTING EVERYBODY'S TIME!!
How do you spot this malicious social engineering virus?
It's EASY!
* If you get an e-mail and you don't PERSONALLY know who wrote it; and
* The e-mail wants you to forward it to everyone you know; and
* The e-mail has lots of words in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS; and
* The e-mail contains multiple exclamation marks!!!; and
* Says "this is not a hoax"; and
* Claims the e-mail is URGENT; then...
It's an e-mail hoax or chain letter. DELETE IT!!! DON'T
FORWARD IT!!!
If you're still not sure, check out one of these web
sites:
Hoaxbusters
http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org/
Computer Virus Myths
http://www.vmyths.com
Don't Spread That Hoax!
http://www.nonprofit.net/hoax
Common Internet And E-mail Hoaxes
http://www.3oddballz.com/hoaxes
About.com: Urban Legends and Folklore
http://urbanlegends.about.com
Hoax-Slayer
http://hoax-slayer.com
Pass this along to EVERYONE in your address book so that this
may be stopped!!
This is NOT A HOAX !!!!!!!!!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
10:10 AM * PERMALINK * 7 comments
Comments:
Here's what I sent to someone a while back:
snip snip snip
An message recently arrived in my email with a subject line of "Worst virus ever --- CNN announced", and your name and email address were displayed as one of the well-meaning people that forwarded the message. Your heart was in the right place, but your effort was wasted. You have fallen victim to a hoax email that has been in circulation for at least five years.
Please Ma'am (or Miss, as the case may be), I urge you take a look at a couple of web pages:
http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org/
http://www.snopes.com
You can use these web pages to determine if a warning that you receive in email is something that's truly worth forwarding on, or merely a hoax. Both of these pages have a "search" feature for your convenience.
Here is a link to information that will help you recognize a hoax:
http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org/HBHoaxInfo.html#identify
As you can see, the "virtual card" email follows the classic "hook, threat, request" formula. It also contains technical mumbo-jumbo, and doesn't show the original sender's contact information.
Please understand that my email to you is not meant as criticism. Rather, I'm asking for your help!
Hoaxes might be nothing more than a nuisance that happens once in a while to us as individuals, but the cumulative effect can be staggering. If, out of each generation of recipients, 10 people forward a hoax on to others, then we're talking about tens or hundreds of thousands of emails flying around wasting the time and effort of everyone involved.
This is where I ask for your help. The next time one of these hoax emails hits your inbox, don't forward it as an automatic reaction. Instead, take a look at those two sites I mentioned earlier, and see if it's a hoax. I'd be willing to bet a dozen donuts that it is. If I'm right, sit down and write an email to the person that sent it to you, explaining things to them just as I've tried to explain them to you.
If I'm wrong, let me know if you'd prefer glazed or filled!
This email has taken me the better part of an hour to compose. To make it easier for you, I encourage you to copy and paste as much of it as you desire in any way that you see fit.
I only ask one thing - that you do NOT forward my email "to everyone you know". :)
snip snip snip
LOL that's quite funny.
very nicely written.
I think from now on when I get one of those "please forward" emails I will reply to the sender with your letter.
So... pretty soon my inbox will fill up daily with this chain letter instead of the hoaxes? This only swaps one time and bandwidth waster with another...
Says "this is not a hoax"; and
...
This is NOT A HOAX !!!!!!!!!
----------------------------
Hypocrite. But good idea, I find it quite funny.
whenever I get a chain letter I reply to the sender witht his, written by Dennis Leary:
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000?
How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big "FUCK YOU!" to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and an amazing wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times". I don't fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
The Four Basic Types of Chain Letters
Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!! Really!!!
Here's how it goes:
• Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
• Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
• Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
• Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your house. Thanks!!!
Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Oh, and remember, we have absolutley no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder: if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!!
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.
This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.
Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad chimpanzees, then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English... no, sorry that's the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.
The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 7 years, whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll have to look at me naked!
--written by Dennis Leary
My wife, who is not really tech savvy at all, had made an email very similar to this back in January of 2002 ( I still have the message in my archive):
I have decided to create a new e-mail designed to sweep the nation (not!).
Make a wish...count to your favorite number...and then delete this message!
That's right...trash it quick.
Remember your wish will only come true if you immediately delete this message.
If you forward it on to any friend your wish will rot and never come true!
Have a nice day!
You can see why it didn't sweep the internet. :)
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